Abomination of Desolation

OK, so what is with all the mysterious deaths of birds dropping out of the sky in Arkansas? Thousands upon thousands of red-winged blackbirds fell from the sky, littering the ground around Beebe with dead bird carcasses. And officials (how does one get to be a red-winged blackbird official anyway) aren't completely sure what has caused all the deaths. Was it someone shooting off fireworks that caused the birds to get confused and fly into the ground? Was it a sonic boom that confused their navigation instincts and sent them plummeting to earth. Or was this a sign of the gathering hoof-beats of the four horseman of the Apocalypse?

It was done of those. Those Arkansas blackbirds were just so devastated that the Razorbacks lost the Sugar Bowl that they had nothing left for which to live. I mean, it took all these years for Arkansas to finally get to a BCS bowl game (so long that most clear-thinking people have already reached the conclusion that the BCS is an idea who time has come and gone). But they finally get there… and then give up a 28-7 first half lead to Ohio State (which is when I went to bed, by the way). Then they crawl back into the game and then have a chance to actually win it at the end… only to throw it away (literally). That’s why the birds crashed into the ground in Arkansas—they were just so distraught over the Hogs. Of course, if Mallet hadn’t have thrown that last interception and the Hogs would have won the game, the birds would have still crashed into the ground… out of shock of Arkansas actually winning a bowl game.

I miss the old days when all the major bowls were on New Year’s Day. I miss switching channels back and forth between the Cotton Bowl and Sugar Bowl which were on at the same time. I miss being so bleary-eyed by the time the Orange Bowl came on that I could hardly focus my eyes. I miss the fact that at least 2 or 3 of the major bowls could have an impact on the national championship.